Characteristics of an Abuser II

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: Moodiness is very typical of abusers and is in relation to other characteristics of the abuser such as hypersensitivity. Their moods can change very quickly, and they may be susceptible to unexpected outbursts of anger which can leave the victim feeling very confused. At times the victim may think the abuser has psychological problems because of the quick change in personality which runs the gamut from love to violence with no apparent reason.

Past Battering: Many abusers usually admit to having hit their partners. He will always put the blame on them, saying that it was the victim’s fault and that they never meant to hit anyone. They will say that is in the past, that they have changed, and that is has nothing to do with this relationship. An abuser is likely to beat any person he is with if the relationship endures long enough for the violence to begin.

Breaking or Striking Objects: Abusers will often throw objects which will land near the victim. They will destroy objects that the victim values. They may pound their fists on a table or wall. These are all tactics that the abuser uses to either punish or frighten their partner into submission. The abuser feels that is it his right to punish or frighten his partner as he desires.

Any Force or Threat of Force During an Argument: An abuser will often physically restrain their partner from leaving a room. They will shove or push the victim to show that they are in control of any situation. They may threaten you at the same time you’re being restrained by saying something like “You are going to listen to me now,” or “You are going to do as I say.” This indicates that your partner is not averse to using force as a measure to maintain control over you. In abusive relationships violence frequently escalates. Although it may begin with verbal threats, a shove, or slap now and again, it has the potential of becoming much more violent.

Inability to Express Feelings with Words: Some abusers are incapable of true intimacy and may feel threatened by the prospect of being open and vulnerable. Often the abusive person expects instant satisfaction from their partner. They expect their partner to know what they want before they ask or say anything. Often when the partner does not know what the abuser wants, he takes this to mean that they really don’t love them, which it is a form of rejection. Rejection for an abuser equals violence.

Emotional Dependence: Most abusive individuals are usually very emotionally dependent on their partner. They are afraid of these vulnerable feelings and will often use control to exert power and deny their own weakness. One sign of emotional dependence is extreme jealousy and possessiveness. Normally if the victim leaves, the abuser will make remarkable attempts to persuade their partner to return.

Pride Combined with Power: When pride is mixed with power, the result is genuinely explosive. Pride makes us believe we are right, and power gives us the ability to cram our idea of virtue down everyone else’s throat.